Translated by Landon Wimberley
You know, being a campus cat is hard work. *Pops open tub of catnip*. Nuzzling bushes, checking for snakes and rats is a hard day’s work. The ice storm made the campus patrols a little rough but luckily we Millcats are good on our feet. On the bright side, it kept those pesky squirrels out of the way. *Licks paw obsessively.* We’re just as tired as you students. Keeping campus morale up by bathing in the sun while you guys bring us treats and rub our backs is exhausting. We love you guys though. Y’all are the reason we wake up every afternoon and perch ourselves on the benches, waiting on y’all to transition from classes. We’re not asking to be hailed as heroes, have you ever seen a cat in a cape? Let me tell you it’s a bit degrading honestly. Just a little respect and extra rubs on the belly would suffice. Maybe some squirrel traps make our hunts a little easier. *Cat toy jingles*. Would it kill the ground crew to toss up a scratching post near the Christian Center? What’s a cat have to do for a *meow* scratching post.
Yeah, the pandemic has been tough. *Extensive stretch* Cats can’t really wear masks ya know. I heard through the grapevine that a tiger at some zoo actually got the coronavirus. Distancing from students is also really rough. Distracting you guys from your daily routine is where we thrive. We love hearing y’all talk about how y’all were late to class because a Millcat blocked your path. We black cats get a bad rap around the world. The kids here have given us a chance to be ourselves. It’s a pretty inclusive community. Sometimes the officers give us incentives for some inside information, I’m no tattle-tale but hey, there’s a price for everything.
All in all, it’s been a great experience. We can feel the love from the students and we try to reciprocate that love as much as possible. We’ll continue to nuzzle up to y’all and keep your spirits high. A treat every now and then would be nice. Oh, and don’t forget to mention the scratching post!
-Spoopy the Millcat 🐾
*The above article is part of our 2021 April Fool’s Day Edition. Content is not factual and should not be taken seriously.